As a follow up to Earth Day’s post I thought I’d re-post of the first wrote on the subject.
I’ll post pt. 2 later tonight or so, even though it goes a tad south…but I got a new Sinner’s Sermon post comin this Sunday so I guess it get us in the mood…
Annyway hope ya’ enjoy n like the post says feel free to correct me where I’m wrong… 🙂


Well okay, I mean all right so hello again. Little Mouse was worried bout my blood pressure after reading the last post. She said she can always tell how my days gone by how many f bombs I drop in my posts. She keeps after me to be a kinder gentler unit but the weather outside just started turning nasty, God bless America, I think that means that we’re (or more precisely you re: my crankiness) are pretty much screwed until March.

Anyway it put me in kind of funk this morning right off the bat and I realized the last thing I wanna go do is blog some long diatriblical rant about any of my usual topics this.

Which left me of course with the dilemma of what I was going to write about…? I should just post one of the back-ups I have ready, I know I still…

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I know, I know,  you f-tarded bastards, yes I know I can be so mean, or seem like I’m being mean, or like I’m being racist, or…fill in yer negative stereotype.

Look all you cats n kitten I’m the Dysfunctional Unit fer a reason, that doesn’t excuse what I do, but it may explain why you may misunderstand what I am trying to say….

No, really, I think you (many of you) jes do that on purpose…

Here, as an example, is a poem I once wrote n performed occasionally in the coffee houses in the So Cal area…

I wrote this poem about a neighbor that’s why it’s called…


Why My Neighbor Kept a Dog

He kept a dog

‘Cause he wanted a woman

But the dog didn’t complain when he beat it

He didn’t have to give it money to go to the mall or to get it’s hair done

He didn’t have to listen to it complain about his lifestyle choices

And when he left the house

The dog followed three steps behind

Like he believed a good bitch should

And that’s why he kept a dog

I've heard it's best to start their traning early.

I’ve heard it’s best to start their training early.


Okay so whenever I read that poem I was invariably accosted by audience members fer being a sexist….fer suggesting women should be beaten…wha…wha…what ?!?

It was about my nieghbor!

It was one of my first experiences with pc’run a’mokness

So like, when I wrote the post re:Putin n Obama I of course never realized that readers would think I was racist.

I did portray Putin as a arrogant dangerous racist, Obama as an arrogant child/man (and somewhat racist)…(as to the pictures n size of text hopefully that’s fixed-ish)…

But again, me bein a racist, meaning I personally am judging people solely by their skin color.

Sorry not my thing.

I look at what people do and how they behave, what they say and write, and the differences between the two.

Obama in a sea of white 4

Good Racism in action.

Ex: Like white American suburban liberals who were happy to vote for Obama to show that America had moved beyond all that, to prove we were no longer a racist nation, or certainly they themselves were no longer racists.

I have news fer ya, hate to break it to ya…but if you voted fer President  Obama because he was black yer a racist.

You acted based solely on the color of his skin.

Racism. Yea you say, “but it was good racism.

Oh wait, I know, I know ya support his policies n pogroms…whoops Freudian…programs.

Name one…

Health Care, Lowell,  hows that been workin’ out fer ya?

How ’bout the economy?

How ’bout how much it suddenly costs to buy groceries, fill the tank…oh and so on.

I know, I know many of you didn’t really read up on Mr. Obama prior to votin fer him, ya jes listened to the TV news…well really the news is pretty boring, but ya did n do watch John Stewart and Jimmy Fallon.

Late Nite Laughs!

Late Nite Laughs!

Anyway if ya did any homework at all there was plenty to suggest to find. Mr. Obama was not shy about his views regarding America’s wealth n privilage (meaning white America) and told us all ahead of time he believed some of these things needed to happen.

That is because then student and then Senator Obama fully believed two important principles (along with many others, even on the so called conservative side).

1 That white Euro-American success and power came at the expense of the third world nations and peoples, and the field should be leveled utilizing western resources to fuel a resurgence in wealth and transferring of resources  back to the “victim” nations.

2 Big Government can & should be the tool used to level the playing field between rich and poor (peoples and nations both).

Well okay that’s a whole ‘nother can of beans as they say.


No matter what you think, I don’t like our President because I don’t agree with what he professes to believe in.

Don’t like his tendency to support the idea that the Government is a balm to soothe all societies ills…

I don’t think he really believes that it can.

He does wants us to believe it can.

I used to believe those things, used to be a super lefty, think  I made that clear enough…

I jes don’t anymore based on all available evidence and data.

Government  isn’t there to be the Big Mommy n Daddy of us all, nor is it here to be the arbiter of healthy living, nor make people like each other…

Thanks Mommy!

Thanks Mommy!

Not only is in not supposed to be doing these things, it can’t.

No matter how much it promises, no matter how much it takes from one group to give to another, no matter how much it obfuscates and finger points (both damn sides) the (fed) Gov cannot right the wrongs of the past.

It cannot guarantee safety n happiness fer all.

Cannot guarantee fairness…and should be ashamed fer leading people to think it can.

One the few things that the Federal Government is suppose to do…A#1, top o my list anyway, is to protect our country from people, organizations, or other countries that mean to do harm to the ol’ US of A.

Harm not jes to our people, our land or things, but our interests as well, the economic interests of the citizens, of our pretty “good” country…

This is why I switched parties in the 2000. Other logic added into it but this was the key factor.

One of the politial parties was fer American interest, and one was fer the worlds.

Jes some other breaking news fer ya, people in other parts of the world covet what Americans have.

They believe as our President does(see above…)and as so many liberal University/College Professors have been teaching fer years now (that’s why so many good hard working kind n thoughtfully green citizens of America also believe this and support the idea*)that our Country’s dominance is due solely to nefarious criminal activities on America’s part and not due to the hard work and sacrifice of generations of it’s people.


Tenured Professor Bilde,        U of AH

So, many people in other countries, as well as a lot of people in this one, feel that the taking of what America has & what Americans have achieved would be more akin to a comeuppance than theft…

And jes a question fer those supporters of this philosophy, what did you think this balancing was going to feel like?*

The dollar losing it’s buying power…how is that goin fer ya?

And as to the various parts of the third world gaining world “player”status ain’t never gonna happen …in yer dreams.

I mean really. did that sound like it was gonna work.

The 3rd world is gonna stay overwhelmingly poor.

Some other powerful country will fill the vacuum when we abandon the post…n I doubt it will be Russia, seriously, though Putin’s makin his move early fer his sizable chunk of the “2nd” world.

If I was layin’ money I’d say China has better odds.

And with America n Americans out of the picture who’s gonna give a flyin f about the 3rd world then…

Of course I’m way off topic…’cause the point is all this…this cultural shifting and it’s full o’ the ol’ crap-ola cheerleaders are laughable at best and the fact that I find myself being the voice of patriotic reason hilarious.

So my posts are always funny to me and wait…what?

Yea full of crap you heard me!

What happens when the fad dies n black goes back to bein the new black?

What happens when the fad dies n black goes back to bein the new black?

I…look if you go around callin’ yerself Green ’cause ya think about the environment a lot and vote democrat, and maybe ya’  changed all the lite bulbs (ha! go look up the new lite bulb fer yerself) in yer four bedroom house…

What’s the real gas mileage on yer new eco-friendly SUV (or compact fer that matter)?

Okay you support alternative energies, how much do you utilize during yer average day to help accomplish yer average day?

Recycling: The Green Movement's Indulgences

Recycling: The Green Movement’s Indulgences.

Oh n of course recyclin, recyclin and buyin, buyin n recyclin…Lowell, we certainly ain’t slowin down in our consumer tendencies…

E-garbage, the new future's dirty little secret.

E-garbage, the tech livin future’s dirty little secret.

How many new, unrecyclable, untrashable, electronic gadgets have you n yer family bought in the past year?

How many have you thrown away?

How much is in yer garage? Can ya still fit the new Wrangler in there?

How many closets do you have that could rival Fibber McGee’s?

Do I have to ask more rhetorical questions?

sun chips

Proof of American consumer’s rhetorical commitments n fickle fads finicky foibles.

Not too long ago one of my favorite brand of chips came out with a new bio-degradable bag…the new bag was quickly scrapped and they were forced to return to the old fashioned ungreen bags.

What was the problem, the big consumer complaint you may wonder?

The bags were noisier. That was it…it bothered consumers that the bags made more noise, and these are the “healthy/green crowd” chips.

Oh…oh…I’m sorry! Oh…hold on!..Oh it is to laugh.

I tell ya what if yer living on a self sustaining farm in a remote part of the country you can talk to me about being green.

Otherwise yer full o the ol’ crap-ola.

Crowning themselves Champion

Winner & Still Champeen!

If you go around sayin it’s a proven fact that women can take more pain than men yer full o the ol crap-ola…

I’m not sayin they can’t, or that they can…

I’m sayin it hasn’t been scientifically proven despite all the news reports that feature studies that say they have “possibly maybe” done just that.

Science is evolving.

Science is evolving.

Even, dare I say it…evolution is only a theory…that’s why it’s called the theory of evolution.

I’m not sayin we didn’t evolve. Hear (or read anyway) what I’m sayin…(though I do believe of course in a mix of both science n God)…

I’m jes sayin ya can’t go around sayin evolution’s a proven fact & there is no God and that people who believe, have faith in a God are stupid, then also talk about human beings innate goodness and talking about karma…wellll…I guess you can but…

I’m sayin if yer claimin to be somethin be it.

If ya say yer tolerant of all view points, ya’ can’t be a pussy when ya hear one ya’ don’t like, other wise yer full of…okay you get it…

Now look how long it’s taken jes to get through that b.s.

But see again I find it hilarious to openly challenge so many and have none willing to respond…that’s funny isn’t it?

I know there are a lot of liberals on WP.

Are you a white middle upper middle income American with a family, house, kids, possibly in college, who having voted fer Obama, views themselves as a good n green modern American liberal with health care n justice fer all (the oppressed)?

I chuckle in the face of yer hypocrisy and l & the fab o l brothers at yer lack of ba…

…sic support of yer own arguments…

And again that’s funny, at least to this Unit.


Hey dee ho cats n kittens so if I haven’t mentioned it before I only get one TV channel.

I know, hard to believe in this day of overly active cable ‘s 500+ choices…but two things.

One cable could have about twenty channels and most people would hardly notice & two cable is not only over rated but over priced.

Of course I’m off the be ate’n path ’cause the point is this.

I spend every morning watching NBC News.

Wait okay that’s not the point but it’s on the path.


Savannah “Gigglebees” Guthrie.

A few mornings ago I was one again watching the “Cast” of the Today show outside the (ugh I’m gonna hate typing this) 30 Rock studios.

I was struck by how they were interacting with the crowd that (every morning) gathers behind the bright orange (room) barriers.


Matt “Bad Boy” Lauer.

2010 Miss Universe Pageant - Arrivals

Natalie “I’m not Savannah” Morales.

Now people do flock from all over the country…heck the world jes to get a glimpse of them, screamin and hollerin, wavin signs , so it’s not hard to see how they come to view themselves as News Stars.

And this news cast, like I’m sure all the other major networks, as well as CNN & Fox, eat this stuff up.

NBC Al Roker

Al “The Joker” Roker.

And what do they do to deserve such accolades, well yes they deliver the news of course, but they also keep us up to date on what’s trending, where we are as a culture, on who is hot and also not, what we should be wearing, eating or not eating,  and even believing.

But wait, yer saying, these people aren’t runnin the country…okay yes I guess in some ways that’s accurate, but they have become part a large part of the entertainment elite in this country…yes that’s right…news anchors as entertainment elite. And what does that say about the process of delivering the day’s (or yesterdays in this case) happenings?

Can we really trust what ever cause de jour they are pushing?

big ed

When the news was the star.

Can we imagine The Cronk having legions of cheering fans? Or ol Ed Murrow…yes, yes they were popular, but this, this fan base fer news casters is something new.

But they are jes the profligate mouth piece of the mighty beast.

They are the light house keepers guiding the flotilla of facts into our mental harbor…

Lets see what other wildly near accurate metaphors can I use.

They are the Bishops of Bull, and in the end, all the other elite must pass muster before getting a time slot with which to ply the plebeian masses.

On the right side of the issues, ya get yer time to promote and publisize, step outside the acceptable culture modifying mode and yer a blasphemer…

The Butter Queen

Butter maybe better, but butter’s made her bitter.

Think of poor ol’ butter queen Paula Dean, one the darling of the morning shows now a social pariah…

But it’s not jes our news heads…

Ever since “The Bill” presidents have been dancing at the crossroads of politics and entertainment.


Educating or entertaining?

Our latest Commander in Chief has taken this to a whole new level, and is himself an new political animal.

Barack's monolouge


If Bill was our first Rock Star President, Barack is a Hollywood heavyweight on a par with Brad Pitt and Will Smith.

How far will the next Prez go to advertise his agenda?

But it’s the whole show I’m interested in talking about here, the full feature of fabulous factotums…

As a matter of course you regularly hear of events where movie stars, politicians (mostly libs, sorry not being bias, jes factual)and the newsies mingle at posh celebrity bashes.

Of course I hear this from the cast of Today who are proud and (next word my interpretation) pompously trumpet these segments as hot off the presses news stories.

These significant to the continuance of the free world accounts are delivered with lots of self grandiosity, confirming the casts imminent importance.

In fact the whole kit n kaboodle of them have become a mutual back patting society.

Deliverers and defenders of the new truths or nuths.

It’s the dawning of a new age cats n kittens.

The age of the Entertainocray.

The Media Elite tell us what to believe and

Of our fame fueled favorites we do sing.

Heres ya go cats n kittens the last part of my Declaration…there is an Addendum to the Articles of Dysfunction I will see if I can get ‘er up tonight but no promises lol…like anyone is going to be to upset if I don’t get it posted for another couple weeks.
Annnyway hope ya’ll enjoy!


And actually I don’t know why the hell I was asking…like I care what you think.

So you see these cast off units were my family.

And among the other good for nothings, among my new family, it turned out I was pretty good at turning on and dropping out.

And you have to remember that by the time we get to this point it’s now the late seventies. The generation of peace and love was making way for the kids of hate and anarchy…that was me, I was one of them.

Tune in, turn on, drop out, disrupt.

That could have been the new motto.

F-em all was easier to say.

Okay so this is what I had become, by seventeen a completely dysfunctional unit.

As much able to support myself as a thread bare bra supports a 60 year old stripper.

I like to think that this was…

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The 2nd in a 3 part series from the first couple months of my blog where in a lay out the foundation of my dysfunction. Pt 1 I posted about a week ago n you can find it easy so I won’t link to it. Part 3 I & II haven’t been edited (which apparently most of my earlier blogs need some pretty intense editing lol.
Anyway cats n kittens enjoy.


Okay so I promised I’d get back to this, so here we go…

Westmont Elementary and the move to Oz (So Cal.) I believe were the real catalysts, or perhaps my first steps onto the plank over the sea of dysfunction…oh it is to etc.

And I often wonder what I would have been like had we stayed in Vikington, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss…

And before we get to far into it I want to reiterate my earlier statement that I present these facts, this history for informative purposes only, (again and as always mostly fer my children)’cause it’s gonna kinda get sobby real soon and I don’t want you all feelin’ sad this is suppose to be a funny blog.

I mean, I laugh at it so why can’t you?

Wait who am I…why I’m the Dysfunctional Unit, and cats n kittens trust…

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Somewhere at sometime in one of my earlier posts I’m sure that I have expressed that men are like dogs.the ol dysu

We’re easy to figure out.

Feed us, pet us, praise us, play with us till we’re plum tuckered out n we’ll stay tail waggin loyal fer yer lifetime.

Bad boy!

Bad boy!

Ignore us, berate us, scold us fer being a dog and we may turn sullen and bite..

Now lemme quick qualify this by sayin that ladies, chicks, doll faces, I know it’s gotten more complicated as of late what with all the Stepferd Men that are….wait, what?

Well ya know what a Stepferd Wife is yes (maybe I’m datin myself thinkin this is a common  cultural reference point lol).

Click here if'n ya want more info...I don't have room to explain every crazy thing I say.

Click here if’n ya want more info…I don’t have room to explain every crazy thing I say.

Well it’s like that only with men…

Phil-M. A thoroughly Modern Man! He loves Disney films and imitating Carol Channing, and expressing his sensitivty

Phil-M. A thoroughly Modern Man! He loves Disney films imitating Carol Channing, and expressing his sensitivity.

“Of course women can handle more pain than men! Childbirth is like pulling your bottom lip up over your head.” repeated Thursday morning by my local News caster a typical Stepferd Man.

Okay back to it…wait what?

No listen I speak in generalities here, meaning something more often true than not…yes it may be true that yer women is tougher than you (if true, a fact you should be ashamed to admit)or that gals, yer man whines when he gets a boo-boo….but that is the exception to the rule.

N’ I already know yer argument and no it’s not simply a socio/cultural heritage issue it is a genetic heritage issue.

Cave Bros n action

Cave Bros n action

Lemme query ya this Einstein which might hurt more, giving birth or getting stomped by a Mammoth?

It’s the same reason men (remember in general) laugh at their friends gettin hurt it’s a genetic throwback to when we were runnin down big game on the primordial plains.

Sheesh I mean these aren’t my opinions, I had to stop and offer the Donna and Donnie Doubters some facts before we kept goin with my “wildly outrageous” opinions…

I know, I know, I’m cranky this morning.

Who am I cats n kittens, or maybe today I should say dogs n cats..well I’m the ol’ Dysu

All that jes to explain that I know there a lot of men who “Stepferd” bein the new progressive male thinkin it will make their women happier n thier lives easier.

It doesn’t, but that’s fer a different post.

bad dog


All I’m tryin to say here is in general men are like dogs.

And you gals, dames, chickee-babes yer like cats…complicated. It’s always all about you. Ya always gotta secret plan goin on,  when someone reaches out to pet ya it’s jes as likely you’ll scratch ’em as purr….n ya spend an inordinate amount of time grooming yerself.



A dog wants to be owned and makes no bones about it. A cat needs to be owned but will never admit it.

If yer a good (smart) dog owner with gentle praise, lots of petting and snacks you can train yer dog pretty good. Oh sure he’ll still do stupid stuff from time to time, make messes, have body odor issues, but if ya treat him right you’ll have a loyal partner.

Finicky_CatIf yer a good (smart) cat owner ya might as well accept that no matter what ya try (in fact sometimes the more ya try the worse it can get)the best ya can hope fer is semi peaceful coexistence.

Amazingly the more ya ignore  a cat, the more it craves yer attention. (Here’s where I the ol Unit am the exception to the rule [not with actual cats mind you] I give my “cats” too much attention which is great at first but eventually they get bored).

Ignore a dog too long n they get bored. A bored dog can get into no end of trouble.

A dog needs a lot of physical love. To a dog physical love is emotional love.

If you want me to move jes say so...Is that what you want? You want me to move, why don't I just move out for good then! Oh you'd like that wouldn't ya!

If you want me to move jes say so…Is that what you want? You want me to move, why don’t I just move out for good then! Oh you’d like that wouldn’t ya!

Cat’s don’t need a lot of physical attention. But they demand an enormous amount of emotional love.

And as with everything in this post I am referring to both women and actual cats (as the kitten I own tries to lay on my laptop or book or what have you saying “I don’t need your attention but if I lay here you’ll have nothing to do but wait me out, or move me n hurt my feelings.”…That’s emotional black mail.

N’ yes I know there are exceptions, there are always exceptions.

But Guys…one cats pretty much like another. So best advice, learn to live with her…it.

Ladies, girls, women, I’m referring only to good dogs here.

bad dog 3A bad dog is a bad dog is a bad dog.

No amount of training’s gonna help either of ya.

If ya got a bad dog I can’t help ya much except maybe tell ya to shop around.

Find yerself a dog that’ll treat ya like kitten you are…

Tell me...have I crossed the line here.

Tell me…have I crossed the line here.

Can we just settle one simple argument Cats & Kittens, ya know I love to beat a dead horse but even my arms get tired after awhile.the ol dysu Ya see over and over again I find myself having to deconstruct other people statements; Arguments and proposals I hear or read that, while they are nice, simple & seemingly impossible to argue against, are so logically flawed that they cannot be successfully applied in real life.

Wow that was an opening statement heh? Well this is the Dysfunctional Unit and that’s how I roll.

I mean long rambling apparently disjointed incoherent statements.

But underneath all that shambling blusterfuge is an actual by God important point.

Here’s jes one example.  To help eliminate homeless families the Government should provide housing assistance to those at the very

Nothing to do with bad choices.

Nothing to do with bad choices.

bottom of our economic strata. Now who can argue with that. helping the poor homeless children.

In theory it is the obvious only choice to make.

In application of this theory many problems arise. For the purposes of brevity i will focus on one that I hear very little about.

As landlords who provide housing to the poor (and incur from their prospective bad risks, severely damaged units, constant and expensive roll over) have realized that the Government will pay rents with no real follow up on quality of properties, and very few questions if any, not much over sight, they have raised these rents,. This is especially true in larger cities. These properties rent at exorbitant levels, far more than the units, houses or what have you are worth per month.

DSCN1420That becomes repercussion one or effect one of this theory’s application n the real world.

Repercussion two: is when the landlords of the not quite so slummy apartments realize they are now able to charge more and do. Of course over a course of a few years this price hike climbs the ladder to exclusive rental properties ( I have over simplified this process for expedience in explanation, but it is not always as may seem suggested a rung by rung one always follows another process,  the end result however, is always the same).

Repercussion three: As all rents rise. working families and or working  young people in the economic strata just above poverty level get squeezed out.  If they can find an apartment it will be in an area dominated by public housing, areas which are proven to be, no matter which side or organization does the study, high crime, high unemployment, low prospect areas. That is if they can afford even the $800 a month bug & mold infested two bedroom. What ya need three bedroom? Make it a $1000 then.

Couldn't find a modern pic of working poor.

Couldn’t find a modern pic of working poor.

Final Repercussion:  The people who we want to help most, working people, people attempting to work their way out of poverty for themselves, their children, are dealt another blow. The speed of increase in govt benefits and there by rents, far out paces the increase they can expect in wages. Many double up, work more than one job, cut cost learn to scrape by on less. Some decide to join the ranks of people with no job, who seem to live (at least) just as well (sometimes better) with no effort at all.

 Jes try it yourself google or bing image search "working poor"

Jes try it yourself google or bing image search “working poor”

This is just one example of how a wonderfully innocent sounding theoretical social theory, an idea that can’t possibly be bad”federal housing assistance for the poor” has in practical application far reaching unintended consequences. And this is just one example of one problem with federal housing. A sub issue as it were and one I don’t think I have ever heard addressed (not that it hasn’t been jes that I haven’t heard it).

Like in this particular instance, where the hypothetical idea that started it all is:  housed individuals will be free from the stress of sheer survival (housing, food, medical)they can now concentrate on or find(mostly) work.

Wait lemme put it like this.

If I add this cash solution to this homeless base, what will happen?

If I add this cash solution to this homeless base, what will happen?

Hypothesis: Poor people struggle to earn enough money  to simply house themselves *many  being unmotivated to do so because of the stress of being homeless and trying to hold steady employment to earn enough to get the money needed to secure a residence.

This is a legitimate issue but becomes flawed science after the * . The first part is observable science. The second is not an observable phenomenon but relies on subjective description of participants based on verbal assessments of how they feel.

Theory: If we provide federal dollars to house the poorest among us they will be better suited to, and be ready to go out and work.

In practical application the outcome is exact opposite. The more free stuff you give people the more they expect for free. That’s the reality of this practical application.

The truth of it can no longer be argued.  I know I used to argue for its value.

In science if I have a theory, I test that theory through various applications.  After some period of time I have to admit my theory is wrong and scrap the whole experiment…

This ones been wrong for awhile. We just keep doublin down.

Which could be, in turn observable phenomenon to support another hypothesis Our Federal Government can’t seem to stop wasting money on useless programs.

Oh it is to laugh

My Little Dog

the little dog spins round and round,

Oh it is to laugh.


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