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Beatin’ the Proverbial Horse

February 1, 2014

Somewhere at sometime in one of my earlier posts I’m sure that I have expressed that men are like dogs.the ol dysu

We’re easy to figure out.

Feed us, pet us, praise us, play with us till we’re plum tuckered out n we’ll stay tail waggin loyal fer yer lifetime.

Bad boy!

Bad boy!

Ignore us, berate us, scold us fer being a dog and we may turn sullen and bite..

Now lemme quick qualify this by sayin that ladies, chicks, doll faces, I know it’s gotten more complicated as of late what with all the Stepferd Men that are….wait, what?

Well ya know what a Stepferd Wife is yes (maybe I’m datin myself thinkin this is a common  cultural reference point lol).

Click here if'n ya want more info...I don't have room to explain every crazy thing I say.

Click here if’n ya want more info…I don’t have room to explain every crazy thing I say.

Well it’s like that only with men…

Phil-M. A thoroughly Modern Man! He loves Disney films and imitating Carol Channing, and expressing his sensitivty

Phil-M. A thoroughly Modern Man! He loves Disney films imitating Carol Channing, and expressing his sensitivity.

“Of course women can handle more pain than men! Childbirth is like pulling your bottom lip up over your head.” repeated Thursday morning by my local News caster a typical Stepferd Man.

Okay back to it…wait what?

No listen I speak in generalities here, meaning something more often true than not…yes it may be true that yer women is tougher than you (if true, a fact you should be ashamed to admit)or that gals, yer man whines when he gets a boo-boo….but that is the exception to the rule.

N’ I already know yer argument and no it’s not simply a socio/cultural heritage issue it is a genetic heritage issue.

Cave Bros n action

Cave Bros n action

Lemme query ya this Einstein which might hurt more, giving birth or getting stomped by a Mammoth?

It’s the same reason men (remember in general) laugh at their friends gettin hurt it’s a genetic throwback to when we were runnin down big game on the primordial plains.

Sheesh I mean these aren’t my opinions, I had to stop and offer the Donna and Donnie Doubters some facts before we kept goin with my “wildly outrageous” opinions…

I know, I know, I’m cranky this morning.

Who am I cats n kittens, or maybe today I should say dogs n cats..well I’m the ol’ Dysu

All that jes to explain that I know there a lot of men who “Stepferd” bein the new progressive male thinkin it will make their women happier n thier lives easier.

It doesn’t, but that’s fer a different post.

bad dog

What?

All I’m tryin to say here is in general men are like dogs.

And you gals, dames, chickee-babes yer like cats…complicated. It’s always all about you. Ya always gotta secret plan goin on,  when someone reaches out to pet ya it’s jes as likely you’ll scratch ’em as purr….n ya spend an inordinate amount of time grooming yerself.

What?

What?

A dog wants to be owned and makes no bones about it. A cat needs to be owned but will never admit it.

If yer a good (smart) dog owner with gentle praise, lots of petting and snacks you can train yer dog pretty good. Oh sure he’ll still do stupid stuff from time to time, make messes, have body odor issues, but if ya treat him right you’ll have a loyal partner.

Finicky_CatIf yer a good (smart) cat owner ya might as well accept that no matter what ya try (in fact sometimes the more ya try the worse it can get)the best ya can hope fer is semi peaceful coexistence.

Amazingly the more ya ignore  a cat, the more it craves yer attention. (Here’s where I the ol Unit am the exception to the rule [not with actual cats mind you] I give my “cats” too much attention which is great at first but eventually they get bored).

Ignore a dog too long n they get bored. A bored dog can get into no end of trouble.

A dog needs a lot of physical love. To a dog physical love is emotional love.

If you want me to move jes say so...Is that what you want? You want me to move, why don't I just move out for good then! Oh you'd like that wouldn't ya!

If you want me to move jes say so…Is that what you want? You want me to move, why don’t I just move out for good then! Oh you’d like that wouldn’t ya!

Cat’s don’t need a lot of physical attention. But they demand an enormous amount of emotional love.

And as with everything in this post I am referring to both women and actual cats (as the kitten I own tries to lay on my laptop or book or what have you saying “I don’t need your attention but if I lay here you’ll have nothing to do but wait me out, or move me n hurt my feelings.”…That’s emotional black mail.

N’ yes I know there are exceptions, there are always exceptions.

But Guys…one cats pretty much like another. So best advice, learn to live with her…it.

Ladies, girls, women, I’m referring only to good dogs here.

bad dog 3A bad dog is a bad dog is a bad dog.

No amount of training’s gonna help either of ya.

If ya got a bad dog I can’t help ya much except maybe tell ya to shop around.

Find yerself a dog that’ll treat ya like kitten you are…

Tell me...have I crossed the line here.

Tell me…have I crossed the line here.

4 Responses to “Beatin’ the Proverbial Horse”

  1. thycriticman Says:

    Interesting read, and I loved the comparisons.

    “Ignore a dog too long n they get bored. A bored dog can get into no end of trouble.

    A dog needs a lot of physical love. To a dog physical love is emotional love”

    These parts stuck out the most. Almost undefinable haha.

  2. Trent Lewin Says:

    You just went a long long way there… I’m going to share the mammoth/childbirth line with my wife, so that can she actually try to pull my lip over my head. I have no idea how to test the mammoth thing…

    Dogs and cats. Both make me sneeze. Nuff said, ya mucked up rodents.


  3. Thanks so much Trent fer replyin!
    Lol yea it’s jes my oppositional defiance disorder comin’ to the surface…the yang to societies ying…
    Pain is ultimately a subjective thing…an individual thing…n often I get into trouble by goin fer the (hopefully) humorous wittarical approach to make us think about some of our new truths more closely.
    While the old timey belief that men were superior at everything (if such a conceptual view ever really and honestly existed as we believe it today and a point fer a separate argument) was of course wildly inaccurate.
    .
    The new truth that women are better at everything ( now even the once male[meaning more often than not] lynchpin of physical pain threshold) is equally not “fact”.

    I was very…mmm…pain intolerant as a young boy…based on some of my later…life’s lessons (running the streets working construction/warehouse)…I learned to find, embrace and harness this (in general) masculine quality with-in myself.

    I have since through my life experiences found that of course, though people are unique, more often than not the males I have known have been better at handling physical pain.

    I once stamped an industrial staple through my finger, pulled it through with pliers n kept working.
    Compared to the other “guy” guys round me I was still bein a “girl” cause I bragged or made a bog about it lol.

    I had a roofing boss who once shot a 16 penny nail into his knee joint, missed the cap we found out later he pulled it out with a superbar and kept right on working.

    Now that is not to say I have not known, or that I myself wasn’t a male pain-a-phobe at one point, jes that in general bla bla bla de blabbity bla.

    Comparatively most gals I have known (not all but most) spend the evening blowing and nursing a a burnt finger…my lovely ex’s and many female co-workers and acquaintances, paper cut broken finger nail stubbed toe…oh it is to laugh, bless their sweet lil beautiful souls.

    Now again, the claim that childbirth is the ultimate worst in pain and that women can therefore (ipso facto as it were) take more pain than men is bad science and even worse unprovable science.

    (N don’t even get me started on our forgetting about or not caring or misunderstanding of the difference between causal and correlative!!)

    I also tend to believe it’s also bad socio-cultural policy to replace one “end result bias” blanket lie with another to “right the wrongs” of the past as it were..

    And again I may have gone a long way but 🙂
    That’s all I’m sayin.
    Thanks again Trent fer replyin!
    I of enjoy any comments, challenges, or mocking of the views expressed here n myself consider it all in good clean fun 🙂


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