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Dating Dysfunctional Style

December 13, 2013

Okay hey cats n’ kittens its me the ol’ Dysu and I thought I’d give ya a little update (since something actually happened) on thethe ol dysu Unit’s attempts at dating.

So I’m not gonna rehash how I got here. You can go read about it more if’n yer so inclined here and or here.

First I guess I should tell you I’m not much of a, never have been much of a dater. More on that in a bit.

But given said lack of fondness for dating and my lack of going anywhere my possibilities were limited to uhhh…hoping, hmm…trolling the thrift stores, or going online. I gave in and signed up for the dating site match.com.

I chose match.com because Yahoo kept suggesting it.

The internet knows that I’ trying to find a mate, or if nothing else someone to mate with…oh it is to laugh.

c68a745238ab856b6969706e4743d356Anyway and okay so as weird as it sounds, and I know how weird it’s gonna sound. The first person match.com suggested seemed perfect. Smart, arty local and God Bless America, pretty darn good lookin.

Beyond that, even from her picture you could see she had that special something, the twinkle, the half smirk.

Okay so without really knowin what I was doing I favorited her (in my mind like a bookmark so I could find her again for comparisons), but lo and behold match.com alerted her to my interest.

But I still didn’t know that yet.

I continued looking at match’s.

Wild vegan who likes the outdoors looking for her Grazing Guy. Predators need not apply.

Wild vegan who likes the outdoors looking for her Grazing Guy. Predators need not apply.

It’s a very sad process.

There are a lot of lonely people.

I’m gettin off track here ’cause almost immediately I got a wink from this Palace City Princess who I had favorited.

So long story short we emailed and then talked and I felt like we were really hittin it off, I mean she was a freaky artist but also seemed to be good at businesses (which to me is as close to fantasy gal as possible).

So we went on a date and that went good and then a second, and I learned on top of everything else she said was a sci-fi horror girl.  No sappy dramas to sit through. I mean be still my beating heart.

Oh and she didn’t have a large extended family I would have to get introduced to and be continually involved with.

Now I don’t know how other people do it.  I have no practice in dating. I’ve mentioned that above. Certainly no successful “dating to relationship” experience as is somehow the supposed standard.

I have had some dates, a number of drunken one nighters, and three long term relationships from women who pursued me after getting to know me in other venues such as work, poetry readings, mental health facilities.

So anyway, I mean a couple of days of getting to know each other and I was ready to say “yer the one”, (saying “I love you” meaning in my weird Dysfunctional guy speak “your cute and sweet and seemingly interested in me so I’m okay with us doin it whenever you are).

I kind’a felt like it was fated seeing as she was the first girl I saw and she lived right around the corner basically,  and while she wasn’t quite perfect, she had a lot of great qualities I knew I was going to love and some new ones I was looking forward to familiarity with.

I mean there were still some gray areas, but if your in your forties or fifties and single it’s probably more than likely that you have yerself some gray areas.

But after a couple good dates I invited her back to y house so she could see I wasn’t married or some other kind’a psycho, jes the kind of psycho that I am.

revelation 1Anyway I guess the first sign of trouble was when she walked down the hall toward the bathroom and paused to ask “What’s with all the Jesus pictures?”

Now in my defense they are not pictures but vintage (fancy junk) paintings in (some pretty nice) antique frames.

But in her defense yea…they are all of Jesus. Well okay wait that’s not 100% true, one is of St. Cecelia, and two others, while of Jesus, are of Baby Jesus accompanied by Mary and Joseph. And certainly no one can be against Baby Jesus can they?

One of my favorite pieces

One of my favorite pieces

So yea anyway needless to say in the long run, she wasn’t fond of some of the things that are nearest and dearest to my heart. Junk, sunny07spicy foods, “Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”

And needless to say, I’m sure, even though she had her own shades of gray (Not that! See the damn sentence above-sheesh why did I use that metaphor) my “shades” end up closer to black.

I’m sure when she got right up to the edge and peered in there was the naturally protective instinct to turn and flee.

The only other answer was that I was too nice, too respectful and didn’t move fast enough, physically I mean. But that’s fer another post.

So anyway long story short-ish kind’ of, continued.

I had this account now on match.com and I felt like well, I’d paid the 20 bucks or whatever.

Into Dogs and Music.

Into Dogs and Music.

And so I spent a couple days scanning through all the ladies who were looking for their “soul mate” “life partner” with which to spend the rest o’ their  years livin, laughin, and lovin.

Must Like Pets

Must Like Pets

None of them really caught my eye and I’m not sure if I qualified as anyone’s “Life Partner”

Somehow accidentally (really that’s how bad I am on the computer) I also agreed to register on this other dating site calledcompuage chemistrymatch.com, or maybe their the same I don’t know I can’t figure it out (really that’s how bad I am).

For days following I was getting lots of emails and notices from both sites and it really picked up my spirits until it dawned on me that these notices were just about women who had “viewed me” nothing else,

I would look at every e-mail, go visit every profile, and I couldn’t figure out why these woman would be interested in me. Then it dawned on me, they weren’t. The damn program was just notifying me every time some one viewed my profile. That wasn’t going to help me at all.

On top of that both of the sites base how you get to interact and or respond to interest by how much cash you give them.

Ya know repeatedly payin for the possibility of possibly paying for repeated dates for the possibility that I might get some one who finds me charming enough to overlook or tolerate my dysfunctions seems like not just a big waste of money, but of time as well.

And if I charged ya fer visiting my site I’m sure you’d often feel the same way reading my blog.

But I give ya all this fer free. So it’s only time yer losing here and ya know what else…

I won’t even charge ya extra fer winks.winks

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