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Dysfunctionally Dating

December 3, 2013

Okay so, here we are cats & kittens n’ if ya been paying attention ya’ know that I’ve been single now oh, goin on what three, four months?the ol dysu

Now that may not seem like long, I mean it doesn’t seem like a long time to be single, but fer a man, or fer this man anyway goin that long with-out…female companionship is a long time.

Not jes the physical, which yes of course that goes with out saying, but having someone cute to look at in the evenings. The ol Unit likes that too. Someone soft and sweet. And fer sex also. I do like to play.

But see here’s one of the things I’ve realized over the last couple years. Now stick with me ’cause I’ll get back to the whole sex topic above but I got veer off the path  here and swing by this other topic which will help support what I’m gonna say ’bout my “man needs”.

Strip away a lot of the b.s. of relationships, and you will find a core misunderstanding at the heart of much of our communication issues.The battle begins

See the problem is that each sex tries to show the other that they love them the way they would like their mate to show them. Kind of a do unto others the way you wanna be done deal.

Yer the Best Honey!

Yer the Best Honey!

Fer a woman that means shes thoughtful, remembers the little things. You’re favorite meal  followed by desert just the way you like it. Mends yer favotrite shorts. Get you cards on days yer feeling blue. Remembers yer relatives birthdays. This is how a woman expresses love and how she expects it to be shown to her in return.

Fer a man it’ all about the “Hey Baby” factor. I snuggle u to you on the couch. Yer expecting we’re gonna watch that new  HBO series and talk about the characters. I spend about thirty seconds cuddling then my hand drifts to your breasts. Not understanding yer glare I say “Hey Baby wanna do it?” retro thug 1

Now yer frustrated you got us together on the couch fer this special moment as a way to say I love you honey but that’s all I was tryin to say  “I love you.”

Now remember I’m talking about the truth, stripped away of the social b.s.

Listen I mean ask any of my Ex’s and I kick ass at delivering the tender moments, at listening, I mean sometimes I’m so good at it I even fool myself. ut it’s because I understand this principal, this exchange of services. What I’m not real good at is pretending to like receiving these other services in lieu of sex.

See fer many men a woman is also a cook and a maid. And so a woman can fulfill those duties to prove her love.

I’m not into being waited on, I can cook fer both of us, or certainly fer myself. I also don’t really like to be cleaned up after like yer my Mom or somethin, I can clean up after myself, in fact I can easily do most of the cleaning fer both of us as well.

The only two things I can’t do are giggle at my own lame jokes (well I do but…) and give myself lovin (again yes but it’s not the same now is it.)

Now of course I could skip this whole dating thing and jes go out and scrounge up some girl off the street like in the old days (remember the ol’ Dysu has been solidly in one relationship or another fer practically 24 years now) but ya know I jes don’t know if I wanna do that anymore.

Am I older and wiser, more mature.

Naw jes tired, lol, mostly I think it jes sounds  like too much work.

So if I can’t jes pick up any Sally or Sue that means I gotta find me some kind’a long time gal.

Jesus As MeAnd that oh my cats & kittens puts me in a difficult position ’cause see being a weirdo semi employed 53 year old handyman/blogger who believes and wants to talk about God, but also lives (in many ways) an un-Godly life, who loves the feminine, respects the gentle, better nature of the divine Goddess, even though  I believe they are ruining society by running amok unrestrained as they are in this new America, which I love and am as patriotic and independently by God ol’ timey red white and blue as I can be while listening to Korn and smokin a fatty.

Speak No Weirdness!

Speak No Weirdness!

I am as sweet as a nine year old nerd boy who’s fascinated by butterflies, and as cantankerous as an 80 year old curmudgeon with a hard-on.

Lil DysuOnce while hiking Lil Mouse (My latest ex) and I found a small “Teddy Bear” fashioned from prickly burr’s. “Look” Lil Mouse had exclaimed “It’s you!” She had called me “Burr Bear” fer months afterward.

So the thing is, I’m like a really great vacation spot, lots of fun and excitement, interesting experiences and new flavors, but ya jes wanna visit, ya don’t really wanna live there.

If ya stay too long ya start to see all the dark alleys and hidden shadows full of homeless and the cast offs. The menacing dogs and lonely winos that inhabit the bleakness.

So where does that leave me.

To honest to lie fer sex.

To old to jes go out and grab it.Sir Spanks Alot

To picky too sleep with jes anyone.

Down fer da Count Puss Puss!!Too prickly to wanna be slept with?

Hating to admit the weakness, but needing to eventually be loved.

And so I have set boldly set forth into the world of computer dating.

Will I be too odd fer the good girls.

Too soft fer the bad ones.

What' ya mean feminism's ruining the country?!

What’ ya mean feminism’s ruining the country?!

Too much a chauvanist fer modern women.

Not manly enough fer the rest.

I promise to tell all I can without revealing so much that it will inhibit my ability to um…well you get the picture.

To add to the excitement of the kick off of this new venture I leave you with “Computer Date” by the Suburban Lawns, the same group that brought you such hits as “Gidget Goes To Hell” & “Janitor”

10 Responses to “Dysfunctionally Dating”


    • Lol were you bein sardonic there?


      • Nope, maybe sarcastic, never sardonic!
        Honestly, I have typed a comment to three of your last posts and then gone back and deleted each one! 🙂


      • What?!? Why 🙂 I love all comments Mrs. Howsyer even sardoncastic ones…
        Actually I was reading yer post early this morning abut getting lucky and I had to head to work but I wanted to comment. I thought it was very nice, and of course I thought that you (though you may not see it this way 🙂 ) and I were making kind’a the same point.

        Yers was jes done in a nicer, gentler, more succinct way :
        )…
        Annyway, yea go ahead and feel free to comment, I have not been the best at it of late….but I anticipate that most of the bloggers I follow see that as a good thing


  1. You’ve got a problem there. Good luck with the computer dating, never tried it so if you care to update as you go along will watch with interest. I personally think that touch is essential as we are herd animals and not meant to be alone. To get this I took up ballroom dancing. Not quite sex but fulfilled the touch need.


  2. By the way. Thanks for following. I came across your blog via a comment on someone’s about page questioning her reason for following you. You expressed what I was thinking and just had to check you out. I like your open honesty (done with humour of course.)


    • Thank you very much. You write beautifully and as always I am honored at the individuals who choose to follow me.
      And thanks you fer the funny part. I try to be funny. but yes I would like to also stay honest.
      A lot of what I like about yer blog is its honesty also. I love the simple joys and real life style that you offer yer reader a view of (wow that was a terribly constructed sentence). Hopefully ya got the gist of it. Yer from Scotland? Is that right?.The land looks very beautiful there.
      Annyway I’m glad my little dog’s madness gives you a laugh, its always good to laugh at ourselves.
      Any time you disagree with something I’ve written please feel free to mention that also…
      I love good discourse!


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