On Zombies, Mutants and the Coming Apocalypse

October 26, 2013

On of my favorite blogs is written by a guy who calls himself  Zombie Spirituality. Now I know that zombies are, along with vampires, thethe ol dysu monster de jour as it were, but while I enjoy a good zombie movie, I’m not a charter member of the Undead Resistance Army or any such thing.

Beiber and I

Mushy spot on and old melon.

Anyway, now awhile back, (and those who follow my blog will be sayin’ oh cheez-itz not that again) I bashed my head pretty good. And oddly enough, one of the results of that knock to my noggin was the idea fer this post.

Again those of you who have followed the Ol’ Dysu…oh wait…yea that’s me the original Dysfunctional Unit. Anyway cats & kittens, my limited followers are sayin but Dysu that head butt to the wall happened over a year ago now.

Well, okay yea that’s true but…see the thing is like most of my greatest ideas it took awhile to get all the disparate elements bumping around in my skull to form a cohesive thought.

Then of course, I told my injurspirational idea to Lil’ Mouse. Who in reply to my brilliant new understanding of a possible ultimate truth said.

“I love you honey, but probably don’t ever want to say that out loud again.”

Speak No Weirdness!

Speak No Weirdness!

Oh it is to laugh, I mean okay she was laughing, as usual not with me but at me.

And I tried to clarify, to give the theory the meaty weight of connective facts that point to only one acceptable conclusion.

I could tell i was only making her more nervous. (someday maybe I’ll write a blog about body botts, strawberries and all the other, hilariously peculiar ideas, word fascinations, and behaviors I had jes post injury, or maybe I already did n jes fergot about it)

Anyway I told her I was so fond of the idea I was gonna write a blog post about it.  She said basically “No yer not going to do that honey…ever.”

Stock Image: Lil Mouse

Now Lil’ Mouse of course is gone, but while she was here she seriously forbade me from ever writing this post, but as I said…Lil’ Mose is gone so…i don’t know if that’s good fer you in this instance or not, l and his fabulous ol’s.

But you know me, well may be ya don’t maybe this is yer first experience with the Dysu and if that’s the case yer in fer a…well I was gonna say treat, but that word implies guaranteed enjoyment so how ’bout we jes say yer in fer somethin’.


We get to the point faster than this guy does.

Alright so yee haw 364 words And I haven’t even touched on the topic…Anyway. Zombie Spirituality this ones fer you…

So ya see the way my brain works, one day not long after I bashed my head I just started thinking about our world wide obsession with Zombies.

I know it started awhile ago now.

But it has really hit a fever pitch till (I’d hazard guess) bout three of every five independent films I see bein’ churned out on netflix is a Zombie movie.

Traditional Zombie movies, serious Zombie movies, funny ones, contemplative ones, even a few movies where the zombies is the good guy.

Zombie's can be hero's too! Seriously a pretty good lil film.

Zombie’s can be hero’s too!
Seriously a pretty good lil film.

Darn almost got it! Darn almost got it!

Darn almost got it! Darn almost got it!

So yea I’m wonderin, my little dog is spinnin’ round and round, chasing its tail, not just about the overwhelming plethora of Z movies but also, why the hell has it become such an important issue with my dog?

Why do i wanna figure this out?

So yea I’m worryin’ at it, tryin’ to untie this knot and then, one day reading a ZS post it just become clear.

Well to me anyway..(this is the point where I excitedly tell Lil’ Mouse about my new idea.)

But it wasn’t jes the Zombie angle see that’s part of what came to me sitting at the computer.

When I came to this full understanding I realized this conceivably has been going on for years an that we are jes seeing an increase in activity as the apocalypse draws near…okay wait What?…

How bout I put it like this.

satan1Let’s for a moment pretend I’m Satan (no, don’t worry most times I imagine I’m God, so it’s okay) Anyway back to it…

Let’s say I’m  the Father of Lies, Beelzebub, King of Death. See I got this problem. The end of the world’s comin. The Big Finale. The Apocalypse. And I got to pull out all the stops if I want to steal the big guy’s thunder.

Ya followin’ me so far? Satan03

Good ’cause it’s only gonna get weirder from here.

Okay so I’m the Devil, and I know I don’t have much chance to pull out a victory.

But I do have some tricks up my sleeve, and I do have dominance over the earth and man I got some real show stoppers planned for the very end times, and maybe, jes maybe I can  squeak out a stunning upset.

apocalypseThe things is, I jes can’t pull out all the best tricks at the end, all the rubes would bolt in terror and go runnin’ fer the exit signs in a mad dash to sign up with the forces of good and all that rubbish…

At the end of this show see Him & Me are gonna have big dust up. The war to end all wars and if…Book_of_Revelation_from_Bosch_Last_Judgement

And I’m sayin here IF, without any warning or precondition of any sort, if strange beings appeared from the sky, babies born with miraculous powers you all might get wind a something jes not quite right.

revelation 1If normal people shooting fire from their mouths or lightening from their hands suddenly started being a regular occurrence, or the dead came rising up from the earth people might start to ask some serious questions. That is if it just happened out of the blue right at the end of time.

Well anyway the point is. Nowadays if ya saw a person who could shoot lightening from their hands what would be yer first thought?

I mean “Coolie O that guy’s a mutant!”

You all would know it was genetics or some secret government experiment gone wrong.

The dead rising from their graves to walk the earth and plague the living? Why again a Government experiment gone wrong.  There’d be1875_Frans-Floris-The-Fall-of-the-Rebellious-Angels-628x351 no real surprise by this point, I mean many humans on this planet are surprised it hasn’t happened yet…I love ya ZS.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI mean again, if i was Satan I would think that I got the humans, the rubes pretty well primed fer the Apocalypse. By now most of the folks who see my show will never suspect it’s my handiwork. never see my hands carefully working behind the scenes. And so will not go runnin’ to Mr. Goody Two Shoes when the going gets rough.

I think…okay wait this is me speaking now, the Ol Dysu, that if these phenomenon started occurring world wide it would only be the most orthodox humans among us who would say “Holy &^% it’s the Apocalypse”

I think, sorry again me, that most of us would be like “Whoa cool Mutants.” Or like “Whoa cool Zombies.”

Now I’m not sayin’ that this is the truth, make sure ya understand, all I’m sayin is my little dog came up with this theory and it’s arguably plausible.

St. John & The Zombies

St. John & The Zombies

Back to Lil’ Mouse real quick, I mean she knew I didn’t actually believe (with all of her hopes and faith) it to be the truth.

She jes didn’t want other people believing I believed it. Does that make sense.

As fer me I don’t care what you think, i think about these things.

And I mean if…if what I thought up is the actual truth.

Then that would make George Romero &  Stan Lee two of Satan’s prophets.

Damn you Stan Lee, I always thought yer “Great power…great responsibility” thing was fer the side of good.

It's My Responsibilty Mother^$#*!@#

It’s My Responsibilty Mother^$#*!@#

And George, who would have ever thunk that the love we hold fer yer undead would be our undoing.

And so there ya’ have it cats & kittens, the Dysfunctional Unit’s take on…

Zombie’s Mutants, & the Coming Apocalypse

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