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Gettin’ Personal with the Unit

September 30, 2013

the ol' dysuOkay so hey there cats & kittens the Unit’s here with somethn’ a little different this time, Lil Mouse has taken the early opt out clause in her contract, which leaves me of course in the market for…a friend, secretary, partner, fluid repository…hey I’m jes bein honest here.

Isn’t that what we’re suppose to be when we’re trying to find a new mate.

Well by now, if there’s one thing you should know about me, I’m as honest as a kick in the teeth….What?

No I jes made that up. Look here’s what I mean, I sit down with the idea of putting a personal ad on c-list just fer fun. Now, I’ve never written a personal ad before, and looking over the ads I realized they are all quite generic with little information besides; I like long walks and cuddling, or, looking for my soul mate. The first one is like okay, yea show me a women who doesn’t, an the second well I mean…(sigh)…does anyone know what that even means?

Alright, well ya know the ol Unit, I wrote my own ad. I tried to include anything a woman may want to know about me ahead of time.  I figure that should weed out the weak and easily intimidated,

Hopefully I’ll weed out the “Big Bang Theory” watchers, and live laugh lovers…well now that makes it sound like I expect serious replies to my ad…lololol

Okay well, I’ll let you jes read it and you tell me, what kind of responses do you think I’ll get? Don’t worry if I ever do, I will post them here, I wouldn’t want you to miss the fun…Annyway here we go.

Long Term Friend with Eventual Benefits

Old mad poet looking for female friend and possible LTF. Semi retired at 53, I do online blogging about travel, politics, religion, poetry & media (more than one blog) and light handyman/painting for extra income.

I am just recently out of an ltr so don’t want to rush into anything but am missing female companionship (not just that ladies, be good).

What' ya mean feminism's ruining the country?!

What’ ya mean feminism’s ruining the country?!

I’m looking first (at my age I’ve learned) for someone I can talk to, hang out with, go on trips etc. So must be smart and enjoy smart witty conversation. Best if you have strong opinions and can hold your own in a discussion. Oh yea, and probably best if you like to have such discussions :). At this age I am more conservative than liberal. I don’t mind if we disagree, if you don’t, as I enjoy the intellectual stimulation. I am not one of those men afraid of a strong woman. In fact it is preferred if you can stand up for yourself and formulate a decent argument. Intellectually speaking, not fighting but fun engaging banter. I like having someone challenge my more ludicrous statements.

Another thing I hate about being alone there is no one to do special things for. It’s just not the same putting decorative icing on sweet rolls when you’re by yourself, especially if you’re a guy.
Lets see so what kind of things would you like to know about me?

I am almost completely tame. I enjoying cooking and doing dishes, know how to separate and wash my own laundry.

Cool junk & out of the way spot all in one.

Cool junk & out of the way spot all in one.

I’m can be sloppy, ya know guy sloppy (socks on the floor etc), but I’m an excellent power cleaner, lol.
I can cuddle, listen patiently without trying to solve, and do a relatively good job of looking interested when you are telling me what Lisa at the office did today.

I am more into museums than bars, (actually don’t go to bars), not fond of nascar, or bowling. I like scrabble and a walk downtown more than pool leagues and large rowdy crowds.

I enjoy garage sale and junk shops, Sushi  and BBQ, going on adventures, photography and finding cool out of the way spots.

I like older funky things compared to sleek and modern or mid-west floral.

Ages ago now

Ages ago now

I am a poet with five published books. I once won the Sioux Falls Mayors Award for Literature. But before I sound too sensitive and soft, I should tell you my favorite TV shows are “Always Sunny…” & British show called “Peep Show” (on Netflix and again ladies no its not that kind of show and stop being so naughty minded)

Nope, never again. It just isn't worth it.

Nope, never again. It just isn’t worth it.

My tolerance of slow romantic or foreign film days are long behind me. It would take something special to get me to sit down and watch English Patient again

I used to be (years & years ago) a bad boy artist type, and not necessarily a nice or faithful guy. But I am older and wiser and almost always sweet and understanding and now enjoy being a “good” man.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in some ways an old timey chauvinist. I like being a man, I like doing the man things like mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, sitting around the house naked scratching and enjoy being that way. But I can be sensitive when I need to as well. I like football, but don’t need to watch it every Sunday.

I am not super fond of Live, laugh, lovery, but can be tolerant of it with the right woman. Not fond of Lady Gaga or Katy Perry but maybe, maybe (maybe) can tolerate it if your doing s trip dance to it.

I do not like Big Bang Theory or much other popular television and won’t want to watch BBT, Glee or The Voice or anything like that,

A little Lefty's always right.

A little Lefty’s always right.

I do like shows on the History Channel, PBS, English comedies, DIY and Cooking shows.

I like music a lot and have wide tastes from Oingo Boingo, Clash and Offspring to Lefty Frizzell and Johnny Horton to Mozart and Mendelssohn to Ella Fitzgerald and Dean Martin. (and weirder [more annoying?] still Nervous Norvis, Slim Whitman, Wanda Jackson, Alice Cooper, Del the Funky Humanoid, Laurie Anderson, and Opera, I include it because more than any other music I choose to listen to save maybe Dead Kenndy’s Agent Orange etc., is Opera). If your guessing I like music get out a gold star sticker and pin it to the corner of your screen.

I have my own place. Though I live in Palace City now I am moving to So Fa before December. I have my own vehicle, my own income.

Just imagine the hair with a little more gray.

Just imagine the hair with a little more gray.

Now last of all looks. Well I don’t know. I guess I’m not bad looking. I have a certain amount of roguish Irish charm. I’ll send ya’ a couple of pics if you’re still interested after all this is done. I have all my teeth, all of my hair (though mostly gray now), and still have some tread life left. I am not fat, but I’m not skinny either. I’m 6’0″ tall without high heels on. I have tattoos (nothing nasty or mean)so if you are against them…count me out.

As far as what I am looking for in looks. Well first all that stuff above, smart, funny then well…truthfully I enjoy all kinds of body types.

I’m much more concerned that you are not a harsh person or bitter. No bar flies or Sturgis ladies (nothing against you just that, trust me I’m not your type).

Even though I was wild I like nice girls (women sorry). I like a nice personality that shines through your face.  If  you are sour don’t e me. As my last woman would often tell me, I can be a teddy bear, if that teddy bear was cranky about society. So no sour pusses a man needs a good woman to brighten his spirits.

Put "Argyle Socks" in the subject line so I know that you are real.

Put “Argyle Socks” in the subject line so I know that you are real.

Even though I want to start as friends, I am a man and will if anything ltf-ish does develop enjoy and want a physical relationship. As in everything I do I approach sex honestly and openly and admit I do like being a little naughty still even in my old age. I enjoy the manly art of pleasuring a woman, as lame and old fashioned as that sounds.

Anyway so body shape isn’t as important as you being confident with your body, being sexy who you are. I promise if there’s one thing I’m good at is helping you feel that way. Skinny and small, bbw, little bit of both, as long as I like your personality and you enjoy enjoying yourself I will be enjoying it as well. I promise.

So yea, anyway, what the hells wrong with me then?

I sound great don’t I? But there must be a catch…well of course there is. There is always a catch ladies.

I can be hell’a noying to be around, or so I’ve been told. I’m extremely opinionated (in case you couldn’t tell). My style of dress might be best described as lovable ragamuffin, though I clean up pretty good on command. I am opinionated. Did I say that already? I can be an intellectual snob? Umm what else, there’s got to be more. I can be cranky when I’m trying to write and it’s not coming out right. I will say the same opinions over and over and you’ll have to tell me to shut up and go write a blog post about it.

Okay that’s pretty intimate we’re not gettin married or nuthin,

Ya got a complaint...talk to the Chicken!!

I don’t know how this chicken got here honey.

I don’t know what else, there must be more. Though I have cleaned up well I mentioned I was kind of a bad boy poet and so am still a little rough around the edges not bad anymore, maybe just mischievous.
I have three grown children. One lives in New York, two in Sioux Falls, and a beautiful six year old who is with me every other week-end and hopefully more once I move to SF.
My ex and I get along fine so no weird issues there to make everybody uncomfortable.

Lastly I’m not sure if this is the most unusual personal add placed on SF c-list but I’ll bet it’s the longest. I really am exactly what I say I am. I don’t believe in bs and don’t tolerate it in others.

I’m looking for someone to do things with who in general is softer, sweeter and has more squishy parts than I do. I like to laugh, I think I’m still a pretty good catch for someone who’s looking for some one unique, challenging,  fun, a little wild but also steady, reliable and boring. (in my own fashion, I of course find the history of British Monarchy hosted by Simon Schama exciting.)
Would love to find a female friend first, go see a comedy,  Go on a walk down to the falls. You can tell me all about your day. I know you girls like that. I’ll tell you what project I’m working on and you can pretend to be really impressed, cause you know men like that. Maybe to a late night dinner at Cherapa Place, where you can tell me what you dreamed of being when you were a little girl.

The Unit's Dream Girl?

The Unit’s Dream Girl?

Look, then if all that works if you are interested in me okay sure FWB, I would like to find someone like that. I mean I’m a man so…

Only I really don’t wanna “do” just anyone anymore. I mean I will break down and of course do that if it goes on long enough, when the opportunity comes, (and it will of course) but, and I hate to be cliche, I’d hate myself in the morning.

Did I mention somewhere that I have become more conservative as I have gotten older. So as lame as this sounds on top of everything else, if I’m gonna have sex, which I really want to, I’d also like it to be with someone who’s company I can also enjoy outside the bedroom.

Man, have I covered everything or what? I really tried to as honest as I could without knowing who the hecks gonna read this. I’m just taking a crazy chance cause I was bored tonight.

If your reading this and love watching BBT and are thinking this guy sounds almost perfect and with my love he will eventually like BBT and we can be a couple and live happily ever after do not text me. I am  exactly what I spelled out above and if you are thinking you’ll change me you will only be frustrated and angry. I’d like that to be different but it won’t be.

Puffin n' PonderinI promise that I will be equally straightforward (in my nature) and honest (a developed trait) in our communications and if or when, relationship.

Which brings me to the last thing I guess. I, at 53 am probably not “going places” as it were. I have most likely made the money I am going to make. I do my little things. I make enough to get by and have a little extra each month. I have my bank accounts and other funds set aside so I am not looking to be taken care of in any way (except maybe a good foot rub or etc one day). I do have a new set of e-books coming out (the first one before Christmas) and so while most likely I’m not gonna ever be rich at this age well…

Lookin fer my Dulcinea.

Lookin fer my Dulcinea.

As to you, of course it won’t bother me if you are rich. No seriously it won’t.

Okay well really its just important that you shouldn’t plan, unless you like to live very simply, that someday your going to move in and I will be able to support you financially, I’m not against it. I’m just making sure you understand at 53 I am not out to be, nor cut out to be the Dakota “Trump”.

If that’s your goal, well than heck I might be the perfect guy for you. Okay well I can’t promise that. You’ll need to see for yourself

I can promise that it will be different, interesting and fun…

So as the great Gonzo, Hunter S. Thompson himself once said, “Buy the ticket, Take the ride.”

4 Responses to “Gettin’ Personal with the Unit”

  1. Dave Says:

    Whoa, you’re back! I had no idea. Welcome back to the blogosphere


  2. Well Unit good luck, I was once told by a wise old man that all women are crazy, and at lest find on that cooks. I always asked for a spicy woman when dating that could challenge me, now I think sometimes how bliss it was to have a drooling idiot with a big set of knockers. Best of luck buddy and I hope you have a little fun in the search for Miss Unit.


  3. L& his fab ol’s yea. I never really hunt fer them. I just put out the bait. Stunningly enough even 23 year old Lil Mouse stalked me till I gave in. I warn these women, Lil Mouse, x2 the Accountant, but well…to paraphrase Jeff Goldblum from Jurr, P 2, I’m always on the look out fer the next Ex Mrs Unit.


  4. […] I’m not gonna rehash how I got here. You can go read about it more if’n yer so inclined here and or […]


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