Bong Water, Neighbor Girl & Nose Ring Pt 2

July 30, 2013

Every guy has a story like this Cats and kittionos, at least one, and I’m sure now-a days most women do to. But…

Oh wait it’s me the Ol Dysu bringin you number 2 on my worst dating stories.

The one I promised Lil’ Mouse I wouldn’t include (after hearing my plan for these posts she just groaned).

I told her I would substitute another story for this one but, I think it just can’t be topped (by any in my memory) as an example of asinine decision making so yea…back in it goes.

Remember part of the reason for this particular blog is to function like a containment unit for radioactive sludge, all the stuff that Lil Mouse would rather have me not write in “our” blogs.

Politics, religion, my colorful past, anything with any hint or whiff of the three C’s goes here.

Wait…What? What are the three C’s?

Controversy, Craziness, Cantankerosity, all get filed under Dysfunctional Unit.

Okay so, and if you’ll go all the way back to post numero uno http://disfuctionalunit.com/2011/10/23/hello-world/ you will see that telling these stories, talking politics, religion etc, (often in public, sometimes with new acquaintances, some times with strangers) was one of the reasons Lil’ Mouse wanted me to start a blog (a decision now she often has ’cause to regret).

Plus I did promise both my reader and my self that I would ‘keep it real’ as you kids say…as part of that, isn’t it important to show how a life time of really bad decision making has led to it’s own real regrets…

Also I think that many  lib’s think that  the poor are mostly poor due to outside forces.

The majority of the poor are bad decision makers.

Many of them actively destructive, not jes to their own lives (and those closest to ’em) but to society at large.

A few of them, like I used to be are happily radioactively proactive in this destruction (lefty homeless arty weirdos fall into this category), but all that’s secondary, especially to this story.

I tell ’em ’cause they’re funny, or are when I tell ’em in person they seem to be.

So maybe jes pretend I’m tellin ya this in my newly built Cowboy room…(watch fer it on another of my blogs)

80's partyAnyway I’m at a party at the Leeds Brother’s house.

I do not believe this is the party where my “band” played, but I might be wrong.

In my memory the two parties are different but, I mean, I was f-ed up at this one, or at both of them, ’cause we did play at a party there once, or this time or…whatever…

So it’s near the end of the party.  A night of drinking and smoking and snorting and the place is still packed body to body tight even though it’s past midnight.

I have a coveted chair at the kitchen table. I’m in my mid twenties by now(that will matter in a couple minutes)….

Anyway, this girl standing next to the table started talking to me. All I knew is that she had this way too short leopard print mini skirt on. I mean I’m so drunk (wasted)that this is pretty much all I see, this skirt, with a girl in it.

 "Beer Vision"

“Beer Vision”

And it’s obvious she’s into me.

Pretty quickly we end up out in the backyard, not only are there already numerous couples outside, but the keg is still bein hit by the keg crew(every party has one). So, and it didn’t seem odd at the time when the girl suggested we hop the wall into the neighbors yard, where it’s quiet and dark.

And of course I was up for that.

Anyway so it’s early the next morning, wait what? Of course I screwed her ya think I’m proud of that know listen jes wait, lemme get back to it…

It’s early the next morning, and we’ve obviously  fallen asleep for a few hours ’cause the sky is that transitionary pre dawn gray in the east and the girl is still there and she is…Ummm…

Many shades of wrong.

She must have said good morning or something. we must have exchanged some sort of pleasantries. I don’t remember.

What I do know is that with-in a minute or so of waking up I leaned some fascinating tidbits of info

Probably closer to the truth

Probably closer to the truth

1: This girl was cute but very large, I didn’t seem to remember that from the night before.

2:This girl seemed young, younger than my mid twenty year old naked ass should be laying next to on a dewy neighbors lawn at 5 am.

(Both of these of course I figured out on my own. The next must have come up somehow in conversation)

3:This “neighbor’s house” was her house, or and more importantly her parents house.

4.She was on the younger side of younger than 18.

So to recap, drunken drug crazed sex. Wake naked. Parents backyard. Under-Age girl.

Needless to say I did not linger.

Later on my friend thought it was funny to give this girl my telephone number.

No wait, now I remember, he found out and was pissed and so to diffuse the situation I think I talked to the girl. I told her I didn’t have feelings and that she was cute etc etc and all but that I was a bad guy and she should not only stay away from me, but any man like me…

My Mischievous Inner Unit

My Mischievous Inner Unit

I know I know it’s total crap, but I’m really charming in that rascal with a soft heart kind’a way that women jes love so, I’ve always been able to get away with that type o’ bs when I’ve had the need.

(not that I do anymore my most intelligently beautiful talented Lil Mouse heart of my hearts, jes in case you read this)

So, I think that was it…fat girl 1

Now don’t get me wrong ’bout any of this…I got nothin’ in particular against larger gals. It was just a combination of issues in this instance that made me run off and never want to talk to this chickee-babe again, the law and it’s specific application in this instance bein a serious deciding factor…

Anyway if yer that girl well, I mean I’m sorry but when you play with fire sometimes you get burned.

But I am sorry and I do think about it from time to time and feel bad.

I mean after I’m done laughing at myself

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